Here comes the bride, and she’s beautiful. My, isn’t the groom handsome?

Her average age is 25, his 27. They make a lovely couple as they walk down the aisle together and out into their new life. But what’s waiting in their “...happily ever after”? Unfortunately, many new (and not so new) couples face a blue future because of that something borrowed – debt.

•On average, this couple has just spent $20,000 for the big event, not counting the $5000 expense for the honeymoon and rings. (It is important to note at this point, that according to a completely unscientific poll conducted here at Credit Advisors Foundation, not one of us has ever heard a bride or groom -ourselves included- complain that they didn’t spend enough money on their wedding.)

•To complicate matters further, this bride and groom each have approximately $8000 in prior debt.

•They also have student loan payments to make monthly.

•They may have car payments on one or two cars.

And yet, so far, this couple has failed to discuss their financial plans for their life together.

Surely, you say, they know that financial stress is consistently one of the top three reasons that 50 percent of all first marriages end in divorce. Financial stress only becomes more prevalent for the divorced and those in second marriages, as previous obligations still place demands on budgets.

What kind of stuff should be discussed before that walk down the aisle?

What is each individual’s relationship with money? What past experiences with financial decisions have they had and what have these been like? Was the outcome what they expected? How did their parents deal with money? What did they like or dislike about that? What kind of spending behaviors do they have? Do they even know what spending behaviors are?

Do they have a financial philosophy and goals? Does the couple have a long term vision and plan for their financial future beyond the lottery ticket they received as a gift from Uncle Tub? Where do they want to be financially in 10 years, in 20? What is their view of cars and houses - do they buy the newest and most they can qualify for? How much cushion in a budget is enough?

Have they completely disclosed and discussed each of their financial assets and liabilities? Do not assume that your partner knows you have student loans that will take 20 years to repay. Do not assume that they have no debts just because they never brought them up. Discuss income and where it goes. That great car may not be an indication of a good salary but rather someone who is living beyond their means, and now is the time to bring these realities into the light of day.

Will they have children and when? Will one of them stay at home to raise any children? How much should be in savings before the children arrive to provide a comfort zone?

Do either of them have a dream of starting their own business? How will they survive during start-up?

Who will handle the record keeping? check book, monthly bills, monthly cash flow, and income tax records? Have they drawn a new will and advanced directive?

How will decisions be made? Thousands of decisions and compromises are made during the course of a marriage. Will one or the other or both make decisions about credit, debt, investments, employer benefits, insurance, retirement planning, home ownership, and credit report monitoring? If both partners are making decisions, do they have a clearly understood method for reaching a decision together?

Once couples start talking, it’s important to remember that much of our attitudes about money are a result of our experiences growing up. Many of us often carry subconscious fears or anger about money and our experiences with it. Some of us, while extremely competent in the workplace, fear that we will fail with money or disappoint our loved ones through our decisions. The best way to deal with these attitudes is to bring it out in the open and talk about it, not once, but continuously through the years.

Finally, we must review basic advice from financial experts for couples as they begin and continue their financial conversations:

Create a budget. Creating a budget is always a good starting point but even better is budgeting below your means. In other words, don’t commit every dime of income to some part of your budget. Leave some room to grow.

Plan. Discuss where you are now and where you want to be when you retire and the life you want to live together between those two points and beyond. Family, careers, and community take foresight and commitment.

Save. Earmark at least 10 percent of your budget to saving starting out. Create an emergency savings account – 3 to 6 months worth of everyday living expenses — for emergencies only. Now is the time to start saving for retirement, too. If your employer offers a matching dollars program for the retirement plan or 401(k), join now. Don’t throw away truly free money!!

Avoid debt. It may not always be simple, but don’t give in to the allure of easy credit card money. Let’s face facts – the highway to debt trouble is paved by credit cards. If you must use one, pay it off monthly.

Above all, never forget you’re no longer alone. As a couple, you and your partner now have the advantage and power of combined strengths as you create your own “happily ever after”.

A recent article by a personal finance expert discussed basic tips on keeping credit card debt under control. It was interesting to note that the article mentioned that often, sitting down and looking at your credit card bills to determine the total amount you owe can be a scary and frightening thing to do. Yes, it can. The article went on to say that as a first step we must get past that fear to manage our debt. That was all. Just...go ahead and get past it. You can do that right? No?

They sure made it sound easy. Unfortunately, sometimes the most difficult part of getting a handle on our debt is just that, fear.

Justified or not, fear has a job to do and it does it well. Fear stops us from proceeding. It causes us to consider all the things that could potentially go wrong. Fear can incapacitate us to the point where moving forward and developing a plan to manage our credit and debt becomes so overwhelming it is difficult to know where to begin. Yet, by doing its job so well, fear ideally keeps us safe from danger - or at least what we think might be dangerous.

Of course, fear’s little sisters Procrastination and Guilt can also greatly influence how we approach our financial management efforts. Because we are afraid of what we will find if we delve too deeply into the state of our credit affairs, it becomes easy to put off until tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Certainly, we feel bad about it but this fear, procrastination, and guilt cycle quickly becomes very difficult to break.

Sometimes it may not be obvious, but a lot of us seem to believe “If I don’t know I have a problem, then I’m OK”. Like too much debt or too much money going out each month compared to what is coming in. Sorry to say, this isn’t so.

For example, simply being unaware of a medical condition you have, doesn’t make you healthy, and by remaining unaware you could run the risk of increasingly severe complications. Your debt is the same.

So how do you start? Baby steps.
You really don’t have to become a credit and debt genius over night. There are some un-scary and simple things you can do to get on the right track.

First, make your payments every month. Either send them yourself or if you are in a debt management program (DMP) send your payment to Credit Advisors Foundation every month. This is vital and actually a pretty big baby step.

Next, keep your spending in line with your budget. Really focus on living beneath your means. This truly is the best way to keep credit and debt in harmony with your life.

Set goals on when you would like to see all your credit card debt paid off. Make a deadline. Determine how much you will need to pay each month to accomplish that goal. (Remember, this will probably need to be more than the minimum payments).

Finally, open all correspondence from your creditors and Credit Advisors Foundation. Use your statements to update the creditor balances in your DMP online at www.creditadvisors.org at our Member’s Site. The more aware you stay, the more responsive you can be if an issue arises and the less likely you will be to stray from your plan to get out of debt.

If you become nervous or fearful at any point, if procrastination or guilt rears their ugly head, call us. Don’t forget, Credit Advisors Foundation is your debt management partner. The certified credit counselors in client care are available to answer your questions and help alleviate your fears so you can be successful at managing your credit and debt.

Try out our Word Search puzzle. All words are taken from the articles in this edition of Defeat Debt.

Assets Attitude Behavior Bride Cycle Fear Goal Groom Honeymoon Income Partner Plan Poll Power Saving Stress